The House of Puroy Enterprises

remembering our Mama thru her pictures… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MKlfcz0cao we miss you Mama…

            You said that once this is all over… everything will be fine. Everything will go on as we wanted them to be. No more worries, no more pains, no anxieties… just plain bliss. But then… it isn’t really exactly what we thought it would be.

            Yes maybe, it’s a little more quiet here… perhaps too quiet. And there’s a little less stress. But silence doesn’t necessarily mean peace, and the absence of stress doesn’t mean there’s calmness in my heart.

            Barely a month since you’ve been gone, honestly I actually thought that it will be just fine. That I’ll be able to go on, take care of the children, continue to achieve all our dreams that we never seem to realize and eventually make you be proud of me. I was wrong! Aside from a poem and this lousy essay – I haven’t really accomplished anything!

            I know that now, there’s nothing stopping me to fulfill all our dreams, for the children’s sake. But while there’s nothing stopping me – there’s really nothing and no one pushing me either! It’s just not the same with you gone! I’ve never been so lost and confused. You won’t be back, that’s a fact. But realizing that fact is not helping a bit. I know I have to move on, I know I have to do something, but I just can’t. I thought I can. For a couple a days I was fine, taking care of the children, trying so damn hard to fill the emptiness. It didn’t actually take long for reality to sink in – YOU’RE GONE AND NEVER TO RETURN AGAIN.

            No, I’m not blaming you or anything, I understand that you really need to rest. You have done so much for us, we can’t ask for anything more. Remember when you told me that you were only being burdened because you really can’t do anything? Do you remember what my reply to you was? “Your being here with us… here for us… is already enough.” There is no better time to prove the truth in that statement than now. With you being gone, no matter how hard we try to accept it, is just not the same. NOTHING AND NO ONE can fill the empty space that you left us.

            I MISS YOU! Maybe that’s all I really wanted to say… I thought I was prepared for this… even if we have really accepted long before that it will eventually come to this… even if I accepted the fact that this is the best for you… it’s really not just the same now that it has come to be.

            Soon maybe, things will be fine. But right now, I’m sorry Mama… it is not.

Roy

March 12, 2008

7:58 PM

                                    Too long have you been carrying the burden

                                    Too long you’ve been bearing the pain

                                    That in the middle of the night

                                    I hear your silent cries

                                    All these years you’ve been strong

                                    You never gave up for us

                                    You filled us all with hope

                                    All because of the love in your heart

                                    In your weakness you were able to push us

                                    These in spite of the pains you kept inside

                                    I always love to see your smile

                                    Like there’s nothing wrong inside

                                    But strength maybe in your spirit

                                    The body is nothing but flesh

                                    It feels the fatigue… it feels the pain

                                    And would definitely seek to rest

                                    As much as I would like to hold on

                                    Though I don’t want to let you go

                                    I know how you have suffered much

                                    Cause I’ve been there with you

                                    So I bid you now finally, goodbye

                                    To a place where pain will not be a part

                                    So you could finally be at peace

                                    And from all the burdens, be free

                                    I will no longer hear you cry

                                    For you will never be in pain

                                    Yet I will always feel your smile

                                    Cause your love will always remain…

                                    Finally… you can rest my love…

                                    ——————————————-

                                    Roy

                                    March 10, 2008

                                    11:30 PM

I am wasting my time in the hospital right now… instead of
being productive. Like a prisoner from

Alcatraz

,
I cannot escape. I am not bounded by chains and cage, yet still, I can’t go
anywhere. And no, I’m not even sick… sick and tired maybe, but not sick. You know
what I mean.

Valentine’s just a few days away, four days to be exact. Aside
from Christmas, it is the only occasion where I could really make some money
with my stuff – chocolates and personalized gifts. But instead, I whiled away
my time here, idle… unproductive.

Hospital bills building up, our apartment rent being
overdue. With our electricity being threatened to be cut-off on Valentine’s Day,
and with only a few pesos in my pocket for a couple of day’s expenses… could it
be worst? Honestly, I thought I couldn’t be anywhere lower than where we were
before – but I was wrong! If there is anything lower than below sea level, that’s
where we are right now… and still going down.

I tried begging… err, soliciting financial help from
friends, family, and even strangers! Practically begging! As early as 3AM in
the morning to the wee hours of the night. Through internet, emails, private
messages, text messages, and even knocking at doors in the real world. Unfortunately,
perhaps I gave the impression that I am a con man… a scammer, out to rip money
from people, rather than a beggar who needs help. I do receive rejections that’s
fine with me. Whatever reason is valid so long as it is communicated, because
what’s worse than being rejected is being ignored. No yes or no, no ifs or
buts, not even an acknowledgement of receipt of message – just playing coy, as
if I don’t exist at all!

Most often I receive what you might call “strengtheners” –
bible quotes, inspiring messages, prayers, keeping your faith, blah blah blah,
and what have you. Don’t get me wrong, I know they all meant well, I appreciate
them and all, but they don’t pay the hospital bill! To be honest, I won’t get
this far without the people who helped me and I am very grateful! I really feel
that they have helped me enough – yet I am still far from over! So where do I go
next? Whom shall I still burden? And for how long shall I be a parasite?!

Last night I prayed, I asked God two things: “Make me
understand why You’re doing this to us?” and “You took us here, will You please
provide us the tools we need to get us through?”

In the meantime, I’m going to spend my time here in the
hospital, idle… unproductive.

February 10, 2008
9:25 AM

Angeles

City

(AUFMC Room 310)

Just after the operation last month (december), here we are again in the hospital… because the cathether that was inserted in my wife’s stomach then got some problem. It has to be fixed.

Without a money in my pocket, i took her to the hospital. with all the pains and leaking from her stomach, i just didn’t think how much it would cost… i knew i have to take her to the hospital.

Now, with the rent on the house again being due… so is my wife’s operation. and still, i haven’t got enough to see me through this.

I have already practicaly became a beggar. PARASITE if you may. begging here and there - old friends, new friends, even total strangers. my close friends aren’t as close to me anymore because perhaps i have became too much of a burden. i don’t know.

and my business even suffered, because i can’t do anything anymore. i can’t leave my wife’s side who’s almost always crying in pain. and the capital that i once had were flushed down the drain.

and i’ve been to told to have faith?

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How do You want me to pray?

For You to listen and to care

How do You want me to pray?

To see me through in everyday

All my life I have always served You

I have sung and even danced for You

All my works was to give You glory

Yet now I feel You have forsaken me

As I remember footprints in the sand

I’d like to think You carried me in You hand

But somehow I cannot feel the mystery

And I feel I am alone in my misery

I have knelt while I am praying

I even prayed while I was walking

Almost all the time I tried to call You

And perhaps because of the unworthy me,

    I couldn’t hear You

What should I do today?

What do I need to say?

How do You want me to pray?

For You to listen and to care

Answer me please… I pray

December 27, 2007

10:30 PM

Home

i was always trying to hold on to faith… i was always trying to serve God. not because i want to receive some favors, but because it was my nature (damn nature!)… i was brought up that way (damn upbringing!)

as a child, i was an altar boy. i was even the knights commander (president) for more than a year. THAT’S HOW ACTIVE I WAS! and we were always in the church then, cleaning it before the mass - almost daily. then i learned to play the guitar, and i would always pinch in when the official church guitarist wasn’t around.

as i grew older, i became a servant who helped in the distribution of holy communion in the mass (spem)… joining communities - actively! because i like doing it, i’m happy being around christian brothers.

and yet….

yes i know, God answers prayers in His own ways and in His own time… He won’t give us crosses we won’t be able to carry…. when He get you to it, He’ll get you through it…blah, blah, blah… yadayada….

do you think i would have reached this far if i weren’t holding on to those?

am i complaining? YOU BET I AM! because it’s not like i’m just sitting around waiting for miracles to happen in my life! i am doing something - IN FACT, I AM DOING EVERYTHING!

no! don’t give me that hang-on-keep-the-faith-God-knows-what’s-best and everything lecture. i know all of those!

AND THAT’S WHAT FRUSTRATES ME MOST! having too much faith so as to expect too much!

i had faith… i had hope… but i don’t have time to wait anymore… patience was my virtue (damn virtue!) but i’m on the edge… how far on the edge am i? you can read ‘eating shit!’ in my other account (http://mcroyver.multiply.com) for you to have an idea of how far i am on the edge. and i’m not even talking about my in-laws! (yet)

would i keep the faith?… i don’t know

would i hold on to hope?… i don’t know

DAMN!

hehehe…. I would have used Avon Gentleman, kaya lang walang dating e.

Yes, I am now an AVON Dealer, pero di naman ibig sabihin na bumaligtad na rin ako at nagladlad na, hehehe…

Well, but if it’s the way to earn money, why not?

Anyways, for all those who want to earn additional income and still have the time for themselves, just PM me for a free business opportunity or text me at 09173465117.

Hello Tomorrow… Hello Avon….